“You're not helping me!” S cried. She was in tremendous pain as a cyst had grown onto L5 in the lower spine, and was also attached to a ligament. Fortunately it was benign, but she was bent double in agony, confined to her bed or couch, until surgery could be scheduled. Two thirds of the way through our session, there was no relief to be had.
At first I was startled into thinking I had to DO something and do it fast to help S. That somehow I was responsible for making her feel better. Then a wave of clarity came through, and I realized there might be nothing I could do to help her. At that moment, I relaxed into letting go of outcome and settled into whatever was to follow. I tuned inside to meditate and quiet the mind, asking that whatever healing S needed, might be awakened in her that day.
There was a palpable shift in both of us, as energy began to pulse more freely through her. I could sense it moving through her legs and out the bottoms of her feet, whereas when we began it was all pretty stagnant. I felt her relax under my hands and suddenly she was ecstatic; the pain had almost entirely lifted. She was the most pain free that she'd been for weeks. While she wanted to give me credit for bringing her pain relief, I reminded her that we were a team. I was there only to witness her body's innate ability to heal itself, and to support her in the process of healing.
To further support her healing, we followed up with a flower essence chosen specifically for her needs. I choose essences by feel, rather than by textbook explanations, and wasn't surprised when an essence related to the second chakra came up. During the energy work, I kept seeing her as a small child, unsupported by a distant and distracted mother. I often think of second chakra issues as where our inner child resides, and of course this is right where the cyst was attached.
Once I went through the selection of essences, she spontaneously spoke of her mother and how she felt unsupported and angry at her for emotionally abandoning her as a child. The specific essences chosen for S worked to support those emotional shifts and complemented the earlier energy session.
Sessions always go better when I can step aside, allow healing to happen and not be attached to outcome. It's certainly more satisfying for all concerned when a shift occurs, but sometimes I can't help a client and that has to be okay too.